Dalton Cole is here!

Well I finally had my baby. He was born Sept. 10 2009 and weighed 6 pounds and 14 ounces. He has a head full of hair and I think he is so beautiful. I was so nervous about being a mom again because I didnt know if I would be ready for it all. I love him so much I dont even want to leave him anywhere. I had my c-section and I got up and walked the same day but the next day I could feel the pain. The nurses were great. They called me their star patient and said they would see me back there next year....I had to laugh about that one. I wont be having anymore kids for awhile. I love being home with Cory and Dalton. I went to my doctors appointment friday because my staples had to be taken out but there were only 4 left. The 4 that were left were done wrong and didnt hold my cut closed so now I have a hole in my stomach but they said it will heal. I guess we will see. Dalton has been doing good. He eats all the time and loves watching his daddy play Halo. Maybe one day we will have more but I think we are fine for now.

my nerves are getting to me

Well I am so close to having Dalton I am scared to death. My nerves are getting to me and I am terrified because I know what lies ahead. A c-section is so painful. I have to learn how to walk again and suffer with stitches or staples in my stomach. I prefer stitches instead of staples though. Either way it hurts. I wish my mom could be here but I know she cant. On a good note today is mine and Corys anniversary. I feel so helpless right now. I dont have anymore family. I have a lot of support here but just no family. I no longer count my dad as family. Im nothing more to him than a tenant for his house. My dad is nothing more than a memory to me. I had a dad at one time but its almost like he died, nothing more than a shell of my dad remains. I dont know if he has remorse or not. I have been praying and reading the bible everyday in hopes he will change. Were we never good enough for him? Did we do something wrong? My dad once said if he had it to do all over again he would have never had kids. Maybe one day he will change but until then he is not my dad. Im not telling him when the baby is due and I dont want him there. I will keep praying for him. Listen to your father; without him you would not exist. When your mother is old, show her your appreciation. Proverbs 23.22

very nervous

Well as I said before my parents are in the middle of a divorce and my mom moved back to Kentucky. My dad lives only a couple of streets over from me but he hardly ever calls or comes by unless he needs something. So to my surprise my dad actually bought me a crib mattress which I needed badly since I dont have long left until I have this baby. But of course when he comes by he brings up "he needs to know what Cory and I are doing about the house" being that we rent from him. I couldnt believe that he couldnt be my dad for just a few minutes instead of acting like my landlord. I miss having a dad. I have a wonderful mom though. She would be here for the baby to be born if she could but she doesnt have the money and I can understand that. I miss my mom very much. I am so nervous about having a c-section though. It is truly the most nerve wrecking thing. I am blessed to have the support system that I have here. I have great friends. Corys family has also been great. They have welcomed me in with open arms and treated me like family. I have never had that before. I have chose not to tell my dad when im going in to the hospital being I dont want him there. I have been so stressed out im terrified. My brother and his wife are coming down though so that makes it better. Cory and I found a outfit for the baby to wear home though. I usually ask his opinion because he always find nice things to wear. The outfit will probably swallow him but I couldnt find anything else. I want to have pictures of him done after he leaves the hospital. Cory has without a doubt been my backbone through all of this. I thank God for the people he has put in my life. Miranda (corys sister) has been great also. I love getting to talk to her and being around her and her husband. I hope one day that I can have a marriage like they do. For now I am happy that I can be around Cory and he can come home to me everyday. We have decided the babys name is Dalton Cole. Cory picked Dalton and I picked Cole. -Some people brought their babies to Jesus for him to place his hands on them. The disciples saw them and scolded them for doing so, but Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the children come to me and do not stop them, because the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Remember this! Whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it." luke 18 15-17

My Past

This will kinda give you an idea of my past. I was born in a small town in southeastern, KY. I lived there until I was three. My parents were eighteen when they had me. We never had a lot of money but we had eachother. My dad was in and out of work because where we are from there are not a lot of jobs. When I turned three my dad joined the navy. I can actually remember going to see him when he was in school for the navy. The first place we moved to was Norfolk, VA. We moved in to a small apartment but it was big enough for the three of us though. I can remember a little girl I used to play with and her name was also Ashley. I remember having my fourth birthday there and my mom having my brother. My dad was out on a ship during this time. When my dad finally came back we moved in to base housing. We were a family again. You dont get much family time when you have a dad in the navy. I started kindergarten and first grade in VA. After that we moved to FL into a duplex. I had a couple of friends and started second grade. I dont remember much about this time in my life but I do remember hitting my head on the jungle gym and bruising my head. I also remember my dad help me make a kite for school and when we tried to fly it it broke. After this we moved out to the beach on the base. I started my third grade year there. I had friends but they were the ones that were your friend one day and not the next. I also started my fourth grade year here. I met a lot of people living in Panama City, Florida that I would also meet back up with in the future. By the end of my fourth grade year I found out we were moving to San Francisco, California. I did not want to go. When we got there we moved on to a base called Treasure Island. This is where I started fifth grade. I started school and could not stand living there. I made a couple of friends and the other kids made fun of me. I stayed here for my sixth and seventh grade years also before moving to Corpus Christi, Texas. My parents finally bought their first house here. We moved in and it was great. I didnt know anyone so I would be starting my eighth grade year without any friends. I was very nervous starting school with out knowing anyone. I met a group of friends that I did everything with. I also started my nineth grade year with my friends. But it wouldnt be long after that that I would move back to Florida. My parents rented out their house in Texas and they didnt have long to look for a house in Florida so we rented a crappy house. I started my tenth grade year at Bay High without any friends once again. When I got back to school I ran back in to my old friends and also met some new ones. I went to Bay until the end of my eleventh grade year and switched to a new school on the beach. I loved my new school but I would find out I wouldnt be able to to graduate and my parents would be moving back to Texas. I didnt want to go back there so I moved out and ended up moving to Georgia with my boyfriend at the time. I moved to northern Georgia and that only lasted a month before I returned to Texas with my parents. I was about to turn nineteen and was hanging out with my friend from eighth and ninth grade. It wasnt long after that that she and I was not friends anymore. I started hanging out with some girls that werent that great and moved out again. I was about to turn twenty when I met the guy I was going to marry. I met him in October of 2002. I found out I was pregnant in December and married him in March of 2003. We had a son in August 2003 and a daughter in 2004. We were married until October of 2007. After we divorced I wasnt doing so good and went out drinking a lot. I tried to join the navy but realized they were giving me the run around so I went in to the army. I met my next husband by my recruiter which was a huge mistake. I went in to the army and soon was discharged due to medical problems. I got married in April of 2008 and soon after realized that he was to young and didnt need to be married. I had a miscarriage with him and decided that God didnt want me to have a child at that time. He deployed in December of 2008 and I headed back to Florida to live with my parents. My dad had finally retired out of the navy after twenty-two years. They bought a beautiful house and I was moving in with them. Not long after moving in with them my dad decides that he doesnt want to be married to my mom anymore after twenty-seven years and decided that he found someone else. My mom moved back to Kentucky and my dad moved out of the house. I ended up meeting someone who I fell in love with almost instantly. I found out I was pregnant and was terrified. But to my surprise he has stayed right behind me the whole time. We have made it through almost five months.